It seems an awfully long time since I did an Adventure of Jarriere. This is partly because some other people took up the challenge, and very good they were. A couple of them have tackled Star One already, but I don't see why that should put me off. And I'm sorry if this gets pretty obscure, but the man insisted on charging off in quite a different direction from the one I originally had in mind. Harry Jones *did* make a guest appearance in Highlander, in an episode whose title crops up here...

"Star One" by Harriet Monkhouse

STOTT: Which of your hands is artificial? BLAKE: This one. Rather good, don't you think? STOTT: And the eye patch, what happened to that? VOICE FROM BEHIND HIM: This is it! [Enter small man in black, with big nose, frizzy hair and eyepatch. He lifts up the patch and winks with a curiously undamaged eye.] STOTT: You are Travis? JARRAVIS: I am Travis! BLAKE: Hey, this is ridiculous! You don't look anything like Travis! JARRAVIS: Oh, so what does Travis look like? D'ye remember his colouring? CALLY: Black hair and eyes! BLAKE [simultaneously]: Brown hair, and eyes quite pale, maybe grey... JARRAVIS: And his accent? CALLY: Educated. BLAKE: No, he's obviously worked up through the ranks. Though now you mention it, when I first met him... [They look puzzled.] CALLY: Well, it did seem a bit odd, but I thought he might be from Gallifrey... BLAKE: He's certainly never sounded Scottish! JARRAVIS: So, how d'ye usually recognise him? BLAKE [sheepishly]: The eyepatch. [More confidently] And the fact that he's always trying to kill me! You haven't even... [Jarravis hastily shoots Blake, though luckily it's not fatal, because that's Avon's job, and Cally's on hand to act as field medic.] STOTT: So, you *are* Travis. Now, if I may ask an impertinent question - why are you so anxious to perform the Final Act? JARRAVIS: Och, well, I'm a great Shakespeare fan, and I've always wanted a crack at the Scottish play. [Funny whooshing noise. Jarriere's head swings round.] JARRAVIS: By the pricking of my thumbs... [Enter Travis II, at last.] TRAVIS: Is this a powder puff I see before me? JARRIERE [tearing off the eye patch]: That's the *Second* Act. TRAVIS [exasperatedly]: Lead on, Sir Puff! And damned be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!" [Jarriere and Travis suddenly pull broadswords out of somewhere or other, and clash blades in dazzling and athletic combat for several minutes. Finally, Travis falls, and Jarriere slashes off his head. (Sorry about this, Penny, but that's what J says happened.) Several nearby computers explode, with interesting lighting effects, while off-camera Freddie Mercury starts chanting "here we are, the princes of the universe!" Stott and the other Andromedans spontaneously combust. Pippa passes. Jarriere staggers for a moment, but regains his balance.] JARRIERE: So, thanks to all here watching at Star One, And catch us later on the Stone of Scone! [He exits, looking rather pleased with himself.] CALLY [mystically]: In the end, there can be only one! [Enter Avon and Lurena.] AVON: What on earth are you talking about? CALLY: Oh! er... In the end, we have found Star One. Are we going to blow it up, or not? BLAKE [weakly]: Never mind Star One! We have a much more important quest now. We have to find the stone... tell Orac... the Stone of Scone... AVON [primly]: I think you'll find it's Scoon.